On the last day of summer, my 17-year-old son was locked in a fierce Xbox battle with his buddy—when I barged in and squealed straight into his headset.
“Breaking news! Taylor and Travis are engaged! I thought you guys would want to know.”
He rolled his eyes. But women around the world begged to differ. They dropped everything—yes, even work—to flood group chats with ring emojis, blow up Instagram and speed-dial their besties with the news.
“I love this! What a beautiful example for today’s young women looking for lasting love and marriage,” Cheryl Sanders posted on Instagram. Thousands echoed her glee.
For a moment, women everywhere exhaled. Finally, a love story where the man isn’t threatened by her power.
“For generations, women have been taught they need to be ‘less than’ men in virtually every way. Don’t do anything that would emasculate, intimidate or outshine a man, lest he consider you to not be wifey material,” Sanders explained to me. “Today, young women are wising up and realizing they don’t need to play by the old rules. If men refuse to make space for women to live as their authentic selves, women are happy to not settle–even if it means staying single.”
I’m a twice-divorced divorce coach. That means I swim in nightmare stories every day. And yes, I’ve starred in my own. Men pressuring women to be 1950s housewives. Men preventing their wives from working. Men cheating. Men love bombing to reel women in. Then the mask slips—and the truth shows up ugly. Later, some of these men turn divorce court into “War of the Roses” and even “Apocalypse Now.” (I do have a few male clients dealing with ex-wives.)
Lately, more of my coaching clients tell me their husbands are sending them videos from TikTok or Instagram telling them they should be more submissive and honor their men. This pressure can actually push women to start thinking about the D-word.
That’s what makes Travis Kelce so refreshing. This muscled, 6’5” 250-pound tight end who delights in male goofiness on his “New Heights” podcast with brother Jason, doesn’t need to be crowned king. Kelce shows us what anti-manosphere masculinity looks like: standing strong while lifting her up, not scrambling for the mic.
So no, Taylor wasn’t lucky to “nab the football star.” Travis just knew better than to fumble her.
“He definitely doesn’t have that toxic masculinity and wasn’t caught up in archetypes,” said Laura, a single 40-year-old woman. She’s “not a Swiftie,” but definitely represents a growing segment of our female population. “In my twenties and thirties, I was in relationships with more authoritative and controlling types. But at this point in my life, I just feel a lightness that is very freeing. I can do what I want, when I want.”
The Pew Research Center’s data shows 54 percent of single men are actively looking for romance, while that number is only 34 percent among single women. The data also reveals that 47 percent of women ages 25-34 have bachelor’s degrees, but only 37 percent of men do–creating a dating disconnect.
When University of Toronto psychologists did their own research on almost 6,000 singles, they found the same thing: solo women are far more content than their male counterparts. “Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves” was published in Social Psychological and Personality Science. Women are choosing to prioritize relationships with friends, careers and independence over getting hitched. Plus, they want partners who support their professional ambitions.
But dating coach Evan Marc Katz, who helps “smart, strong, successful women,” said not so fast. He doesn’t ascribe to “heteropessimism” and cautions “safe solitude” may protect you from hurt, but prevents you from enjoying a loving partner. Plus, as a happily married guy with married friends, he said Kelce isn’t the only mensch out there.
“There are other good guys who respect powerful women,” Katz said. “Can you be a woman who makes more than your partner and be really happy? Yep–stop looking at these guys as leeches. If you’re a career woman you don’t need a guy to make more than you.”
Even though Katz wrote an article “Why Taylor Swift's Relationship with Travis Kelce is Doomed”, he’s happy for them. “But from a betting man’s standpoint…let’s see where they are 10 or 20 years from now,” he added. “Hiring your private jet, drinking, eating and making love on a private island has very little to do with the boots on the ground responsibilities of being a parent.”
To him, their engagement is proof that marriage isn’t a relic. “There are over 60 million married couples,” Katz said. “The institution isn’t going anywhere.”
Still, at a time when concern that men are absorbing misogynistic views online via Andrew Tate and others is at an all time high, women can’t help but exalt Travis as the anti-Tate.
“As a mom of both sons and daughters, I love seeing the example Travis Kelce is setting by supporting his fiancée,” said Sanders. “He doesn’t need her to be small to make himself feel better about himself. May this kind of love find all of our sons and daughters.”